Branding

So, in case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm kind of a big dork that often finds everyday things fascinating or humorous. 

I think signs can be both fascinating and humorous.  If you think about it, signs are a very concise way for someone to tell the public the things that they think are of the utmost importance.  Some are very simple.  For example, "STOP."  No confusion there.  Then, there are other times where you just have to step back and say, "What the heck was the conversation that lead to deciding on THAT?" 

Here's what I think those conversations looked like for a few of the signs I saw on a recent trip to Bull Shoals, Arkansas ...

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A: "So, we have these condos and I'm not sure what to call them."

B: "Are they on the water?  Are there boats?"

A: "Nope."

B: "Are they fancy?  Do you need a membership?"

A: "Nope."

B: "Definitely call it 'Yacht Club' then."

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A: "I don't want people to think that we just rent accommodations.  All kinds of people rent accommodations ..."

B: "What else could we rent?"

A&B: "FUN!"

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A: "I really want something that will make college kids and dirty-minded adults laugh.  But, I also have to let people know that we carry lottery tickets."

B: "I've got it!"

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A: "I really like to cremate people."

B: "Me too.  I wonder if there are a lot of people out there like us."

A: "I'd bet there are.  Let's start a society!"

B: "Hurrah!"

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A: "I want to sell used things."

B: "Like a pawn shop?"

A: "Kind of.  But, I don't want things that are worn out."

B: "So, kind of like a resale store?"

A: "Kind of.  But, I want to make sure that people know the stuff is used."

B: "Got it."

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A: "I don't really know what I want to sell."

B: "How do you feel about rhyming?"

A: "I LOVE RHYMING!"

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A: "I've always wanted to be a mermaid or a goddess, but I got stuck being a hairdresser instead."

B: "Why are those mutually exclusive?"

A: "You're SO right!"

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A: "So, I'm going to open a restaurant!"

B: "Awesome!  What will you serve?"

A: "Only soup or subs.  That's it.  Nothing else."

B: "What if you change your mind and decide to start serving other things?"

A: "My friend, I can promise you THAT will never happen."

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A: "Signs are expensive.  I heard they charge by the word."

B: "No way!  How are you going to let people know that you run an establishment where overweight white males with no fashion sense can catch fish?"

A: "Hmm ... Son!  Grab a camera and get in here!"

Ahhhhhh...

Yes, this is an actual photo of the fog rising off the White River at my friends' cabin. 

Beautiful.  Peaceful.  Calm.  I love it.  I'm leaving tonight to go be there through Sunday.  There will be much sleeping, drinking, reading, eating and card playing.  Perfection. 

There really is something about getting away from everything stressful and hectic about your life.  Just retreat to somewhere simpler and more quiet. 

Namaste, my friends.  Namaste.

They're Not Just About Cheese

I blame it on the Swiss.  Some Swiss general said, "You know, I have a lot of stuff to carry around.  I need my knife for cutting my knotted shoelaces.  I need an incredibly small saw for cutting down incredibly small trees.  I need a screwdriver for putting together my cot from IKEA.  I need a nail file so I don't look all disheveled.  And I need a corkscrew for obvious reasons.  I have no intention of carrying all these things in my fanny pack!"  So, he ordered someone to develop a solution.  And now we have this fabulous invention.

As the years have gone by, we've all decided, "If the Swiss can do it, so can we!"

Our cars are not just modes of transportation.  They are concert halls, phones, purses, and (to some) a small apartment.

Our televisions are not just for watching sitcoms.  They have movies to rent, the internet, and music.

Our phones are not just for calling people.  They send texts, connect to the internet, carry our music, take pictures, and hold our games.

I realized that one of my favorite things about a coat I just bought is that it can also hold my iPod and has a hole for my earbuds to come through!

Why is the iPad so much more desirable than the Kindle?  Who wants to just read?!  If it can't hold my books, music, games, newspapers, and shopping list, then I don't want it!

How would you react if your best friend told you they had just purchased a word processor?  I know.  Me too.

So, let us raise a glass to the Swiss.  They were the first content aggregators.  Thanks for the iPad, general.

Power Shoes

Some people have power ties, I have power shoes.  I'm not a short gal, I'm around 5'8" or so.  So, when I pull out my super tall wood platform wedge sandals, I'm getting close to 6'.  People have to look up at me.  My friend, Teresa, could rest her head on my chest.  I notice that women stand farther away, intimidated by my sheer height.  Men stand closer, as they can look me straight in the eye.  Power.  I am an Amazon.  Wonder Woman would be proud.

Solo

Iyaz has a song out called "Solo."  The lyrics are as follows in the chorus:

And I dont wanna go, go
I dont wanna go, girl
I don't want it, no no
I don't want it, down low
I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it solo (solo)

To sum up the song, Iyaz tells us, if you're single, you should probably just go ahead and kill yourself.  Awesome. 
 
I would like all of the single people out there to join me in flipping Iyaz the bird.  Suck it, Iyaz.

Finally

I finally did it.  I'm 31 years old, I've always wanted a cute little nose ring, so I went to Knight Times Tattoo on my lunch break and got it done! 

People have asked me if they're too old to do it, or if they could "pull it off," or if that trend is "out." 

Who cares. Do you want one?  Will you like it?  Then do it! 

And the Dane has spoken.

Friday Funny

This t-shirt design made me laugh today.  Enjoy.

An Old Rant ... But My Favorite

I wrote this a long time ago, but it's certainly reflective of my personality.  I do love a good rant ...

Hotlanta - A Rant in Four Parts

Part I

So, I had to travel to Atlanta, Georgia, for work this week. I left on Sunday afternoon. My plane landed at Atlanta-Hartsfield around 4:30p, so I got my rental car, a sweet Impala, and drove to my hotel. The place is "the" hot hotel in Atlanta right now, TWELVE. My room was twice the size of my apartment, had a full kitchen, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a killer view. I was, needless to say, very pleased with my accommodations. I threatened not to leave.

That evening, I met some friends for dinner at Imperial Fez, a FABULOUS Moroccan restaurant in midtown. There was a five course meal, beautiful decor, belly dancers, gentlemen to wash my hands for me, it was rather enjoyable.

The trip was going swimmingly! Yea!

Part II

I woke up the next morning, fresh as a daisy, and proceeded to stand in the baby care aisle of Wal-Mart for 9 hours. Not fun.

The luxury of my room beckoned me. The shopping at Atlantic Station sang it's siren's song. My feet hurt. I was feeling the beginnings of a cold. I entered the bliss that was my room. How could I come to Atlanta and not shop??? There was a mecca at my fingertips. Ann Taylor. White House Black Market. I walked, I shopped, I purchased. I felt accomplished. And now ... room service.

Part III

I wake up Tuesday morning feeling not so fresh as a daisy. My head hurt. I couldn't stop coughing. My nose was running as if in a marathon. And now, I must drive two and a half hours to Columbus, Georgia, to spend another full day in the baby aisle.

The store was small. The traffic was slow. In 8 hours, I saw 6 people come through the aisle. I was sick. I was tired. I was bored.

I venture to my new hotel: The Hampton Inn. Let me just say, it was not the TWELVE. I go to check in and the lady at the front desk asks me when my baby is due ... ... ... I was not amused. Granted my shirt was one that bloused out at the front when I was leaning forward to fill out paperwork, but PLEASE!!! So, I was rather rude to her to compliment her own rudeness.

The trip started out swimmingly, now it was drowning.

I was annoyed. I was sick. I was tired. I was in BumFuck, Georgia. I throw on a pair of camo shorts, throw my hair in a ponytail and look for a restaurant that will let me in looking like a 14-year-old army brat. There was an Outback right across the street, so I thought I would go there for some beer to cure what ailed me. I made friends with the wait staff and enjoyed a pleasant evening of drinking.

Did I mention that my plane was leaving from the Columbus Metropolitan Airport at 6:10a Wednesday morning? It was.

Part IV

The people at Hertz made a HUGE deal about me bringing the rental car back to the airport 2 hours before my flight was ready to leave. They drilled it in to me. They had me convinced that screaming harpies would come to get me if I was late. So, I wake up at 3:15a to make it to the airport by 4:15a (I was being a rebel and getting there only 1hr and 55min before my flight left! That would show them!).

The navigational system in the car didn't seem to know where this airport was. This was my first warning sign. Luckily, I happened to spot the runway lights out in the middle of the field that I was driving beside. I turn in to the "airport."

If you will notice, I used quotes around "airport." For those of you in this area, you will remember the "airport" at Drake Field. This "airport" was smaller than that.

I park my Impala. Say goodbye to Inez. (That's what I named her, Inez.) I go into the "airport." There are two other people in there. Both were passengers. NO ONE was working in the "airport." Gates were down over the ticket offices. Thank GOD I woke up at 3:15a to make it HERE on time!!!!!

Around 5:00, three people show up to work at the "airport." They check us all through the ticket counter. I notice that no one is leaving their bags with them. They are carrying them off to another counter. Hmmm. Interesting.

It's my turn. I check in, tell them I am checking one bag, and they tell me to take my bag to the TSA counter. Oooookay. All of the flight passengers have now been through check in and are waiting patiently at the TSA counter. The three people from the Delta counter now go over to the TSA counter and begin checking our bags for anthrax, box knives, etc. Apparently, the change of scenery made them feel more authoritative.

Once we are all through TSA, we all go to security. Here's the good part: The people who just checked us in at the Delta counter and checked our luggage at TSA actually CHANGED CLOTHES to become "security!" These are the people who never would have figured out that Superman is Clark Kent without the glasses.

We go through "security" in the "airport" and all is well. I am the sick chick on the plane that I know I wouldn't have wanted to sit by. My clogged sinuses do not enjoy high altitudes. Finally, I am back on land in Arkansas.

I get in my car and think, I miss Inez.

Jealous

I'm jealous of people who outwardly display aggression.

I'm not good at it.  I tend to do one of two things:

1.  Internalize - this can consist of seething, grudge holding, ulcers, self loathing, eye rolling, and a plethora of other behaviors that get no resolution out of the situation.

2.  Sarcasm - this is probably the most productive I get with my aggression.  It consists of making snarky comments in front of and behind the back of the object of my aggression.

I heard a coworker this morning get really worked up about someone not doing what they were supposed to do.  In a loud, commanding voice, they described the situation, described the effects of the situation, and described the outcome of the situation.  I envied my coworker.  I coveted their aggressive prowess. 

I think I'll practice.

Beauty

The Sweet Bay Magnolia in the backyard.  Beautiful. 

Plus, the blossoms smell slightly of lemon.  Mmm.

Tail Wagging

How do you truly protect intellectual property in your day-to-day work life?  Why would you ever think that someone on your "team" would take credit for what you've done?  How do you broach the subject without coming across as a pitiful whiner?  Especially when you don't have what some would consider "proof?" 

I've had this happen at two different jobs with two different "team" members.  Maybe I just need to be more cocky and aggressive.

As my friend's mom always told her, "It's a stupid dog that doesn't wag its own tail."

Aliens

So, I've been watching the ABC show "V."  It seems like a theme where we fantasize that, if aliens did exist, they would have to be different from humans in a very significant way.  Namely, we like to think that they would be emotionless.  Does anyone remember Q from Star Trek?  His biggest detriment when interacting with humans was ... you guessed it ... no emotions.  On V, they know that their kind is becoming part of the "resistance" when they begin to show human emotion.

As human beings, we seem to both fear and exalt emotion.  It's what makes us who we are.  It can be our biggest strength or our biggest weakness.