Density's Child

Okay, I’ll admit it: Sometimes I don’t understand abstract art. I mean, I know that some of it is visually pleasing. But is it tens of thousands of dollars worth of visually pleasing? Seriously?

Does this view make me artistically dense? Possibly.

Granted, not all abstract art is equal. In this case, I happen to be talking about pieces that look like my 5-year-old nephew could have done them.

In my opinion, one black stripe on a white canvas is not art that should be celebrated. Nor is gluing your garbage to a wall. Nor is splattering some paint on a newspaper.

The most successful abstract artists seem to be the best storytellers.  They can convince the general public that they were inspired by the flight of a dandelion seed in the wind in Gorky Park just as a wild albino peacock ran over the toe of their Toms. And that was how they got the inspiration for their latest sculpture “Ham in D Minor.”

I will look at the sculpture and have NO idea where the idea of dandelions, parks, peacocks, shoes, ham, or music comes in. If the artist is REALLY good at his storytelling, I will then feel there is something wrong with me because I didn’t “get it.”

Then, I take a step back and realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.

(Not for nothing, but the people that swallow these artists’ stories are probably also the most likely to shave their heads, play the tambourine, and pass out flowers at the airport. I’m just sayin’…)

Now, I totally understand that there are times when a piece of art “speaks” to someone. I’m an emotional gal, I get the concept. I believe that art can stir someone's soul and connect with them. That’s when it’s perfectly okay to spend whatever amount of money you see fit.

On the other hand, if you see it and say, “Wow, that sculpture of metal sticks would really fill that space in the foyer,” and you drop $90,000 on it, you have WAY too much cash and I would like to volunteer to help you spend it.

So, for all of you out there who may be artistically dense just like me, I would like to tell you that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH US.

And for those of you who think I’m crazy and who love this kind of art, I have an old pair of jeans that I cut up, glued around a broken hair brush, and let a pigeon poo on. It’s called “Blam” and I will sell it to you for $40,000. Plus shipping and handling of course.