¡Cállate, Danish!

I need to buy chocolate flavored shoes.  Seriously.  I have a very big problem with just blurting things out.  Open mouth, insert foot.  This often occurs in one of three scenarios.  The first is just an I-can't-believe-that-just-happened kind of scenario.  The other two are directly related to one of my virtues and downfalls: trying to be funny.  Let's start with the one that makes you close your eyes and shake your head in shame, shall we?

Scenario 1: I don't know they're behind me.

It's true.  I don't know how it happens, but if I say something snarky about someone else, they ALWAYS seem to end up being right behind me.  I don't say snarky things about people very often, mainly for this reason.  

It all started in high school.  I'm walking down the hall with one of my BFF's, Jocelyn, and I confide to her that there is this person that I don't really like.  I understand that most people like him, but I just don't for some reason.  Cue sad voice behind me ... "But I've always liked you ..."  Doh!  Boy did I feel like a schmuck.  

Scenario 2: I don't know they're dumb.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt to begin with.  Unless it's obvious that it's not true, I assume that you have a reasonable amount of intelligence.  I assume that you are a normal human being.  I assume that you have a sense of humor (yes, I associate humor with intelligence).  I assume that you will understand sarcasm.  I assume that you will not have totally uninformed opinions.  I assume that you don't just think stupid shit.  I know, I know, "When you assume ... "  I've heard the old adage.  I guess I'm just a cock-eyed optimist, but I like to think that the really dumb people are a minority!  Stop proving me wrong, people!  

Cue Danish, "Wow!  That person sure is a mouth-breather! *hee hee*!"   Dumb person, "What?"  "You know, when people walk around with their mouths hanging open and they just look stupid?  *hee hee*!"  "I don't think you should make fun of someone who has breathing problems."  Danish says, "What???  I wasn't ... making ... fun ... oh hell, never mind."  

Scenario 3: I just wasn't thinking.

My brain sometimes works slower than my mouth.  Okay, my brain often works slower than my mouth.  On the positive side, this allows me to say things that are pretty darn funny without the little voice asking me if it's really appropriate.  

So, let's say there is a perfect opportunity for an incredibly humorous grandma joke.  I love my grandmothers dearly and mean them no disrespect ever, but this is just going to be friggin' funny!  Little Devil Danish, who obviously controls the mouth, says, "You're HILARIOUS!  Say it!  Say it!"  Then, a few seconds later, Little Angel Danish, who controls the head, is apparently just waking up from a nap.  She yawns, stretches, rubs her eyes, and then says sleepily, "Don't forget that girl's grandma just died yesterday."  INFORMATION THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HELPFUL A FEW SECONDS AGO!  Then, she's awake enough to help me with an apology for how thoughtless I was.  

I really do hate my foot-in-mouth disease and I honestly do try to control it.  Sometimes, though ... sometimes I slip ...

L.O.V.E.

I'm no fashionista.  I leave that to some of my other friends.  However ... I love jewelry.  I adore it.  I worship it. I think I am the only person I've ever heard of who actually cried in the "precious gems" museum at the Smithsonian.  True story.

I found this AMAZING site on Etsy that has stunning jewelry that is totally unique.  It's by Betsy & Iya.  There are vintage pieces, goddesses, chains, earrings that hang to your shoulder ... I'm drooling.

To top it off, the prices are really quite good.

This is one of my favorites, a three-strand necklace with a pendant depicting the Egyptian goddess, Isis.

Enjoy.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/betsyandiya?ref=top_trail

MMG

I've decided that the traditional text abbreviations just don't work for me.  How often does something make me "laugh out loud" or "laugh my ass off"?

My new acronyms will be "MMG" and "LOTI," meaning, "made me giggle" and "laughing on the inside," respectively.

And now, something I saw today that totally MMG...

This was the header image on Cool Hunting's website.  Hilarious.

I hope it MYG too.

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

It's strange.  There are two foods that I've just never liked, but for some reason I keep trying them because I feel that I SHOULD like them.  Why these two foods, I honestly don't know.

I don't like liver.  I'm okay with that.  I don't keep trying liver to see if maybe I happen to like it that day.  Same with parsnips.  Not a fan.  No issues there.

Brie and oatmeal are a different story.

Brie - the most widely accepted frufru cheese there is.  People rave about it.  Restaurants are known for it.  You can slice it, bake it, melt it, wrap it in puff pastry.  I, however, have never liked it.  There's some secondary flavor note in it that doesn't agree with my palate.  You'd think, then, that if I were offered Brie, I would just say, "No thank you."  Not the case, my friends.  I try it.  Over and over again, I try it.   I never like it, but I just ... keep ... trying it.

Same with oatmeal.  It's supposed to be good for you.  I think it's the equivalent of runny cement with slime added.  But it SMELLS good.  And it's supposed to be good for my heart.  And I've recently started doing some work on a prominent company that produces it (hint: not Amish, but ...).  I've tried it with more liquid, less liquid, instant, standard, steel cut, flavored, unflavored, sweet, savory, I just ... keep ... trying it.

Today, my friends.  I am throwing in the towel, waving the white flag, showing my belly, tapping out, calling the game.

I am going to accept the fact that I do not like Brie or oatmeal.  I do not like it in a boat. I do not like it on my coat.  I do not like it for my meal.  I do not like it on deal.  I do not like it with a spoon.  I do not like it from the moon.  I do not like Brie and oatmeal.

I've said it.  So it is written.  So it shall be.  Hitherto and forthwith, I will not be trying these dreadful foods just because I think I should like them.  Done.

Ford and Jobs are Wrong

"If I'd have asked my customers what they wanted, they would have told me 'A faster horse.'"

-Steve Jobs quoting Henry Ford, on why asking customers what they want is not always the best way to do things.  (Fortune)

Seriously, guys?  Could there BE a more egotistical, self-centered quote?

My brother, Josh, mentioned this quote from Steve Jobs to me on the phone yesterday.  I can't tell you how wrong I think it is! 

What these arrogant men are trying to say is that they are much smarter and more forward-thinking than the masses.  Okay.  Maybe they are more forward-thinking and have more base knowledge than the general population.  BUT ... you have to listen to what people really need.  They said they wanted "faster horses" but all that really means is that they have a need to go faster! 

To quote my friend, Ben Freeman ... It ain't hard. 

Having people imagine what could be helps them really figure out what they need.  If you are in a position to create a solution, it is your responsibility to your consumer to listen to what they honestly need and use your knowledge and expertise to help them with the best way to solve for that need! 

If you are an expert chef and your patron comes in and tells you what flavors they like, you'd better not write them off and do what you want just because they're not a chef.  Take in to account what their palate loves and surprise them with your creativity around it.  You're much more likely to delight them.

Oyvey. 

Suck it, Steve Jobs.

Chi Dane

So, this is where I live now!  Very cute.  Nice street.  Good times had by all.

Lisa rode up here with me and helped me get unpacked.  If it weren't for her, I think I'd still be eyeball deep in boxes!  My "plus" room is totally packed, yet organized thanks to Mrs. Bridgers.  We did discover that my bedroom door won't shut because my bed's too big.  Thank goodness I live by myself!

I'm walking a lot more than I ever have.  15 minutes to the train every morning, 15 minutes from the train every night.  Plus, anywhere else I need to go.  Not a ton in the grander scheme of things, but I'll bet it will feel like more of a trek in the Chicago winters!

The train itself has its quirks.  I had my first experience with getting on a super-packed train in the summer when it's raining.  Gross.  Absolutely disgusting.  I think I actually saw steam rising from people.  Did I mention it was gross?

There's also a lot of douchbaggery going on on the train.  Guys checking out their hair and popped collars in the windows, that sort of thing.  I think one very well dressed man cleaned his fingernails the entire trip.  Interesting.

I had to do laundry in a dungeon last night.  One washer.  One dryer.  Both circa 1970.  $2.25 a load total.  Plus, it took me two and a half hours to finish two loads.  Awesome!  I'm definitely going to start taking my laundry somewhere and having it washed for me.  Totally worth it!

I live in an awesome neighborhood, Wicker Park/East Village.  Tons of restaurants, shops, bars, everything fun!  They're also really in to brunch around here.  Everyone has a brunch menu, most including something they claim is a "hangover cure."  Love it.  My favorite guacamole is definitely at Big Star.  Phenomenal. 

This will be my first solo weekend in Chicago!  Let's all hope that I find something free and fun to do!  Let's face it, after the move, I'm broke as a joke!  If you have suggestions, pass them along!